Who would choose this? That’s what I’m wondering today. Who would choose this? What you ask? I had my first colonoscopy this morning. As you may know, it is quite an adventure. First is the very restrictive diet the day before. My wife Beth had her’s a month ago. What I don’t get is even though I’m twice as big as she is, I was only allowed to eat the same as her. What’s up with that. Two eggs and white toast for breakfast? For lunch 3 ounces of meat? Who eats 3 ounces of meat? Plain white rice? 1/2 a cup of ice cream? That’s it for the day? You’ve got to be kidding.
Then there’s the GoLYTELY? Again, you’ve got to be kidding. If you aren’t old enough yet I’ll give you a heads up to what you have to look forward to. You receive this gallon jug with a magic powder in it. Its called GoLYTELY. You fill it with water and drink half over a two hour period the previous day. No, it does not taste good. All the creative inventions in the world and you can’t make it taste good? BTW, you can add Crystal Lite to it. I makes it bearable.
So who named it? Why, you ask? Because it completely cleans out your system. You go anything but lightly 🙂 To make a long story short, you sit on the toilet for a long period while your insides run out of you. Then you get up 6 hours before the procedure and repeat it all over again. 4:00 in the morning for me? No coffee, just GoLYTELY. What a fun two hours that was!!! Did you know there’s not much on TV at that time?
So, I’ll skip the rest of the prep. My nurse is a young lady my kid’s age. Why does everyone have to be my kids age in these humbling experiences? Can’t an old person ask about my last bowel movement and tell me to get completely undressed and put the gown on that opens in the back. I know why I’m here! Of course it opens in the back! She asks if I need anything? “A cup of coffee would be nice,” I said. “First time I’ve heard that today,” she quipped.
You meet the doctor and all you can wonder is, why would you choose this? Is it because you were at the bottom of your class in medical school? (Get it? Think about it a second). Do you just tend to like ass holes like me? (Hey, no one is making you read this).
So during the procedure they push air into you, so guess what you get to do for the next few hours? Yes, what goes in must come out. At least its excusable! They told me to 🙂
Honestly, I’m thankful today for the medical advances we all benefit from. We complain, but God has truly blessed us with such help and hope. Now, it will never ward off mortality. I think that is pretty sure. Only one thing does that. The cross and the empty tomb. But for now, I’m thankful that there is help in staying healthy.
Okay, gotta go….No really, I gotta go!!!
See you at the Lighthouse,